Two Rants, One Old, One New, Neither Borrowed, Nor Blue

I also am trying to get rid of a migraine, so this is going to be more ranty than usual. You have been warned.

Rant #1-The Old-Touching Me Without My Permission

I've gone over this before. I don't like being touched by people I know, much less complete strangers. When I want to be touched, you'll know. The girl working in Old Navy today decided it was totally okay to pull my sleeve up to get a better view of Lucius. EXCUSE ME!!! Did I extend my arm? Did I make any gesture whatsoever that said it was okay to do that? No. Back the fuck off. I will gladly show you my tattoos, but it's not an open invite to touch me. Would you touch someone you didn't know who didn't have tattoos? No. Again I say, back the fuck off. ARG. I really need to start wearing a sign that says something to the affect of "Yes, my tattoos are pretty. No, please don't touch me". Maybe then people would get the hint.

Rant #2-The New-Your Too Hot To Have Tattoos

Grammatical error intentional on my part, not the hapless idiot that typed it in the first place. I find that statement so deeply offensive I'm not even sure where to start. I find it's usually spouted by some douchebag in a polo shirt and Sperrys or a tub of lard who couldn't attract a woman with a pair of Jimmy Choos tied around his neck. I'm glad you think that your opinion has so much sway that I'll change my mind because I would be less hot to you. If tattoos means you wouldn't be interested in me, I'll take a full body suit, kthxbai. Maybe I'm completely radical in my belief that my opinion only really matters to me and those who solicit it. I'll be more than happy to tell you what I think, but ultimately, it's your body. If you really want that tribal butterfly, at least let me point you to someone who would do a good tribal butterfly (or as good as humanly possible with that kind of source material). Plenty of people don't like my tattoos, both just the fact that they're tattoos and to a lesser degree, the subject matter. Most of them also have the sense God gave a turnip to realize that it's not their body. It's mine. I'm the one who will live with it forever. I guess some men just didn't get that memo.

I feel slightly now. I guess slightly better is better than not at all.